Letting go is hard . . .

Some of you know me as a writer, some as a painter...Some here are family, some we went to high school together, some I've never met face to face but have been connected on FB for years. I thought to share with all of you what is on my mind today.....Today, I am nearly 99% decided that I must give up my 2 rented storage spaces home to over 150 of my oil paintings. I have another 60 in another space but at no cost. However those storage rooms cost $400 a month and I feel I can no longer justify this cost to myself anymore. Never could really. What breaks my heart is that I will just let go of the storage spaces and after 3 months of nonpayment they will auction off the paintings. I won't know who they will go to. Many early paintings are unsigned. I painted for more than 45 years. And these last few days I'm not writing because I'm creating a list based on my log book kept since 1968 when I began painting in oils (I'd drawn from early childhood). And as I type up title, date, descriptio, where I painted them and so on to make sure they are identified my life in NYC flashes before me. I was in 6 shows in NYC. Got the attention of 3 important galleries. Sold some paintings. But the two most promising shows in the best galleries were plagued by first a Wall Street dip just before one show in Tribeca at White Columns where I was one of 10 painters chosen from 50,000 world wide. The second show in an upper East Side Madison Avenue gallery opened the day the Iraq war began. Luck always plays some part. There are some paintings I can say, yes, go out into the world. Others I would love to keep but have no room for. A very few I will bring home. I could have bought a home with what I've spent on paint, gesso, canvas, stretchers, brushes, and storage over the years. But I don't regret. This is part of what I am. Part of my small mission on earth. So currently creating my list and then will convert all slides to digital, quite a labor intensive process, however then, at least, I will have a record of my life's work. Just thought to share here. . . . Have to say feeling a bit depressed. Letting go is hard. ​